You either deal with the past or the past deals with you!
Like dealing with gross violations of human rights, you either deal with the past or the past deals with you. It's pretty clear that doing nothing is never an option, that people always look back. There's always a memory. There are always ways of thinking about the injustices of the past.
I'm very firmly of the view that if you don't engage the past, and you don't seek to embark proactively on the process of healing, the past will deal with you. When the past deals with you, it will do so on terms of its own choosing. Those terms will be, almost always, worse than you seeking to engage with the past.
Paul van Zyl, Co-Founder and Chief Creative Officer of The Conduit, Paul was Executive Secretary of South Africa’s Truth & Reconciliation Commission from 1995-98
We NEED to Arrest this generation of people who just want to TAKE and don't want to give anything! .
It's speedily Killing our world; Marriage is a Covenant COMMITMENT to God and your spouse to love and build INSPITE OF THE OTHER SPOUSE'S PERFORMANCE! Too many baby-adults rushing into Marriage and running out like it's a game, our nation has zero value and respect for the Marriage or Family-front and it's the root cause of our decaying society today.
STOP COMPLAINING, YOU'RE NOT THAT INNOCENT IN THE MATTER, START TAKING RESPONSIBILITY AND STAND IN THE GAP TILL THE OTHER FALLS INLINE! IT'S A COMMITMENT!!!!
I pray that these words from @bishopjakes inspires and push you into TAKING ACTION TOWARDS STANDING UP TO THE COMMITMENT OF YOUR MARRIAGE VOWS! That Jesus Be GLORIFIED! #familyworklifebalance#coachingmarriagesThatLast#homemakingtraining#lacuisinedanielle#conflictresolution#naijacouples#Husbands#wives#family
Video as seen on @ Bagsandbaggages on Facebook
Narada recited three slokas. 'O thou of the Kuru race, he that is wicked behaveth wickedly even unto him that is humble he also that is humble behaveth with humility and honesty unto him that is wicked! He that is honest behaveth honestly even towards the dishonest. Should he not behave honestly towards him that is honest ? He that is honest regardeth the service that is done to him, as if it were a hundred times greater than it is. One should conquer the mean by charity, the untruthful by truth, the man of wicked deeds by forgiveness and the dishonest by honesty.
Sage Nārada to two kings fighting for right of passage
We’re sharing this WLP story by Ginger Fendak for In Defense of Animals from 10/10: “In 2010, a contemporary visual artist and photographer named Andrea Maki founded Wild Love Preserve to protect wild horses in central Idaho. Against all odds, Andrea bridged divides between opposing groups to spearhead collaborative efforts with the Idaho Bureau of Land Management (BLM) and disparate stakeholders. Wild horse and burro herds across America are currently facing their greatest threats in decades, so we must strive for Andrea’s work to become a model for saving herds in as many states as possible.” Continue reading at: bit.ly/about-wlp-by-ginger-fendak •
That’s right!!! 🙌 I was in the early stages of dating The Mindset Coach when we had some triggers and misunderstandings come up. We turned it around within 24 hours both times. He said he didn’t want it to go sideways. What he said and did literally made me see him in a different light, I really started to like him at this point! He left his ego out of it and legit wanted to make the effort. He apologized, gave me time to process my trigger and come back to him when I was more calm. I explained it was a trigger and apologized back. Misunderstanding resolved.
And vice versa, I handled our 2nd misunderstanding with gentleness which showed him I could be reasonable and caring during conflict. His feelings for me got stronger because of it. Now...this was very early on, within six weeks of dating. The trick is to keep going with this approach. Keep showing appreciation for each other, leave your ego out of it and work it out. It will absolutely make you stronger as individuals and together. 💪
There’s a quote somewhere that talks about how we will always be triggered in relationships. We’re smart. We have the ability to navigate through conflict IF we choose to. Don’t let your triggers run the show. Work with your triggers to learn and evolve.
Posted @withrepost • @psych_today Overfunctioning for someone else may help manage anxiety or tension in the moment, but it might also prevent the other person from becoming a more capable and responsible human, “and we keep ourselves from learning to be calm without taking over,” writes therapist Kathleen Smith, Ph.D. “Sometimes the best gift you can give someone you love is to step back and let them function for themselves.” She offers many more examples of overfunctioning in her blog post “50 Ways You Might Be Overfunctioning for Others.” #stress#anxiety#family#kids#parents#relationships#psychologytoday#psychology
Friday morning reflections are an Aseltine tradition. .
A time to gather, share progress, work through challenges, and set goals for the next week, these school wide sessions allow students a moment of pause to evaluate their growth. Voicing breakthroughs, hiccups, and pivots, this sacred time not only provokes individual growth, but also unity and community among staff and peers.
1 1117 hours ago
Why suffer? 🤔
Stress is merely a temporary impass when effectively managed with professional help, not a permanent state! 🧠
Let’s work on it together, hit the link in my bio today! 📲
- @EstherBleuel #stress#struggle#mentalhealth
1 617 hours ago
"How Do You Resolve Conflict?" As we enter our final weekend of OSLO performances, we're looking back at the many different audience responses we received on our interactive lobby display. If you haven't yet seen it for yourself, you have four more performances to add your thoughts to the wall. 💕 Thanks to all who have shared!
Aikido is a martial art used to defuse a situation and neutralize an aggressor. We believe in a win-win scenario where everyone walks away. At Aikido of Reno, you will learn and practice a method designed to help you in everyday life. Schedule a visit by calling 775-337-8030.
1 1118 hours ago
"The divine loves the places where peace is made.
When you have opponents and fierce adversaries together, and there is a breakthrough, there is a relaxation of the tension, it's almost like the light shines through." .
William Ury, Co-founder of Harvard’s Program on Negotiation, Leading Expert on Negotiation and Mediation
"When people ask me if I'm a pessimist or an optimist, I say I'm a possible-ist. I believe it's possible. So let's give it a chance." .
William Ury, Co-founder of Harvard’s Program on Negotiation, Leading Expert on Negotiation and Mediation
"The divine loves the places where peace is made.
When you have opponents and fierce adversaries together, and there is a breakthrough, there is a relaxation of the tension, it's almost like the light shines through." William Ury, Co-founder of Harvard’s Program on Negotiation, Leading Expert on Negotiation and Mediation
It’s time for a Friday Introduction!
Haven’t done one in a while, so I figured it’d be fun.
Hi! I’m Dr. Samantha Borders-Shoemaker! I’m an author, poet, conflict resolution practitioner, and much more!
A well-known fact about me is that I am a MASSIVE fan of @theofficialsting. However, what you may not know is that I once played the harp. And the song I knew best on it was his song, Fields of Gold. (Aside from the medieval classic, Greensleeves). I may no longer play the harp or own one, but I loved it all the same.
What’s a little known fact about you, friend? I’m so glad to have you here and get to know you a bit better!
My first instinct when I read the DM was to defend my perspective, to fire back with facts, statistics, and reasoning. Dang, that pattern of arguing rather than seeking to understand, listen, and communicate with compassion is so hard to rewrite. I keep practicing, though. I work to notice my physical response— tightness in my chest, rush of adrenaline throughout my body, tense shoulders. I acknowledge that my perfection as a human has been brought in question. Then, before proceeding (and boy is this the hardest part for me) I set my phone down, breathe, and regulate my sensory systems. Then, once I’m calm, I can respond with intention and outline my boundary. In this instance, I won’t attempt conflict resolution until we are both calm and committed to truly listening to one another.
This conversation wound up being a beautiful one. We got to the root emotion and unmet needs she was experiencing that led to anger, sadness, and feeling attacked. This conflict resolution was only possible for us to navigate together though because I set that boundary, held it throughout our conversation, and went in with the intention of listening to her, not trying to prove my point.
Many of you have reached saying conflict is scary for you. What’s your root fear? Someone being upset with you? Someone being upset during the conflict and saying hurtful things to you? What’s the fear?
Dear friends, we are inviting you to Facebook Live with Ekavira prabhu and Vrajalila mataji. This meeting will be very special - Ekavira prabhu and Vrajalila mataji will be sharing their memories about the Kartik month which they spent with Bhakti Tirtha Swami in 2004. "There are so amazing pastimes in that month. It is difficult still after 14 years after his departure to speak about those times. Some of these pastimes I have never shared." (Vrajalila)
Such feedback inspires us to further develop our projects.
1 923 hours ago
Girl, wash your face. Just kidding. Girl, draw your future. Click the link below to watch a TedX video on how to get what you want out of life. No BS here. It works. Girls, guys, EVERYONE combined. This is for you.
Happy Friday! ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
Had a really great week and THIS is how I’m gonna celebrate 🎉 ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
What do you do to celebrate the end of a productive(or not) week? ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
Inquiring minds want to know‼️⬇️
14 2918 October, 2019
Today’s practice: find #beauty in the small things.⠀
I’m in the middle of a #conflict . Dealing with some negative #selftalk . Feeling defensive and hurt. My default tendency is to shut myself off and try to escape into TV or IG. The thing is, tho, this doesn’t actually work! I stay distracted and end up getting frustrated that I’m not watching. 🤦🏼♀️⠀
So, today, I’m inviting myself to take a walk and go to the library. (I need a new YA novel to read.) I’m going to practice finding beauty around me, in the ordinary— like this flower art made by a 5 yo. ⠀
Will you join me in this #practice ? Xo.
1 1118 October, 2019
How I Overcame My Anxiety 🔮🌸🌻
Couple months back I was battling with what I considered ‘extreme’ anxiety to the point my stomach was in knots (the sickening feeling as though something bad was coming).
It felt so bad at the time because I felt sick - physically, emotionally and mentally from the time I woke up to the time I went to bed.
My mind was constantly racing and I felt alone as though no one truly cared or loved me.
I became ill, my tonsils were inflamed and within that space, I couldn’t see any positives but only the negatives.
My mind was in such a deep black hole that gratitude alone for all that I had been blessed with was simply just not enough to push me towards seeing the light.
The truth is, I felt like I had no control over my life.
I felt that the life I had in mind was stripped away from me and I hated it.
I hated the responsibilities I had and I hated feeling like I had the whole world upon my shoulders - pressure.
More so, I was working in a job I hated that didn’t stimulate me nor did it allow me to be my authentic self.
So How did I overcome it?
Initially, my intention was to meditate, breathe and centre my mind but in the end, I was guided to a video which was actually hypnosis focused on letting go.
As I lay there, listening to the video, breathing, relaxed and peaceful, it guided me upon a path of letting go of all that had been weighing me down - limitations, past relationships, habitual cycles and notions.
I vividly remember cutting the chains from my ankle that tied me to all my troubles and when I awoke, I felt alive, the sick feeling passed and I felt strong.
I knew in that moment that I had allowed my mind to control me rather me controlling my mind and ultimately, my life.
3 3117 October, 2019
I answer questions like these in my book, check it out! 👀
“Getting Unstuck” is the key to effective introspection; from relationships with yourself as well as others, there’s much you can learn! 📖
Hit the link in my bio to learn more today! 📲
- @EstherBleuel #focus#selfhelp#introspection#motivation
1 517 October, 2019
Tops off to anyone out there who knows what to do in dire situations, the struggle is real people. It isn't always easy to avoid conflict but it's best that it's avoided at all costs
such a great insight from @mindfulmft as we navigate our relationship challenges.
REPOST via @mindfulmft : Our reactivity is a direct line into our shadow. I’ve used that line so many times in the last couple of weeks, and the more I say it the more I see its value and truth.
Our reactivity is a direct line into our unhealed parts. We absolutely can look at or listen to things that we find offensive without it being a wound. I am NOT suggesting that the goal is to remove the offensiveness from things that cross the line, but I like this quote because it shines a light on a particular area.
Yes, some things just ARE (objectively) offensive, but it’s our reactivity and the way we respond to them that reveals something. Other times things might not actually be objectively offensive, but strike a nerve and push on a raw spot of ours.
When we’re super reactive and personalize things, there’s an arrow that points us to something in our lives that needs more attention. Most of us don’t like to hear that, but it’s true (and confronting). When I’m reactive it’s one of the most obvious moments for me to turn to my fears, insecurities, and unhealed parts. It’s hard, but it’s obvious. It can also be way more comfortable in that moment to stay in my reactivity and prove my story correct. To personalize things and hunker down and make the other person wrong on all accounts.
Who’s guilty of the above?!? I know i am in moments. So what to do? Look at your reactivity the next time it comes up. When we do the work towards healing, other peoples “stuff” doesn’t become so personal. It doesn’t have to change your viewpoint, belief systems, or where your boundaries land, but it does change the way you feel rooted and grounded amidst it. #mindfulmft
This. This is what love means in any relationship / marriage.
It’s so incredibly essential to NOT confuse the two things!
Yes, relationships are hard and marriage isn’t easy for anyone. But that’s *only* applicable for those who actually make a commitment to working on themselves, in order for their marriage / relationship to work. Not for those expecting it to work *without* self-work (inner/shadow work) done.
The attitude “Yay, I got married.. 🎉 it should work out on its own, right?” ~ will definitely make it fall apart sooner or later.
The @gottmaninstitute says that it’s the small things that make more of a difference overall:
- giving your partner undivided attention when they’re upset and attempting to be vulnerable with you (being emotionally available/present)
- telling them something you appreciate about them more often/daily, instead of picking on something you don’t like about them
- remembering that conflicts are opportunities💡to learn how to love your partner better over time
- remembering that when a situation/difference of opinion/conflict arises, your partner and you are on the same team 👫
A separate post with information on ‘codependency’ will be shared soon ✨ and one on the ingredients of a healthy relationship 💞
There is a separate Story Highlight titled ‘Boundaries’ as well, you’ll be able to spot it amongst other highlights on this page ✨
“We don’t have to suffer to prove our love to someone. There’s a big difference between what life throws our way and when somebody is treating us without love, care, trust and respect. We are allowed to have boundaries in our relationships. It’s more than okay to say no.” - @natlue ✨
“Boundaries are the distance at which I can love you and me simultaneously.” - Prentis Hemphill
(Shared in an earlier post! Find it to read the caption ~ will re-share it in the story!) 💛
18 64520 September, 2019
How it feels to have a hard convo... maybe you can relate?! 💁🏻♀️ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
This is basically the journey my husband and I went on last night when we had a few hard things to talk about. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
Early in our relationship, when we didn’t see eye to eye or feel heard by the other person, it would trigger both of us, we’d react, and we’d need space before we could get to a resolution. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
Today, we’ve learned how to stay when it’s uncomfortable, take responsibility when there’s something for us to own, and speak very frankly about what isn’t working and what we need without making it mean we’re flawed. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
Our fav communication techniques:
✨ Speak from first person (I feel..., I need..., I’m noticing...) and avoid third person (you make me feel..., you’re not...)
✨Own the story you’re making up, e.g. “I’m making this mean...” or “The story I’m creating about this is...”
✨Acknowledge what *is* working (I felt really seen by you when you said..., I felt your support when...) ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀
Happy conflict navigating, fam ✨
218 15,65916 October, 2019
i’m sorry for the apology you never heard and deserve. yet, may never receive....
it’s difficult to forgive someone who isn’t sorry but did real damage in our lives. it feels so unfair. it feels like injustice wins. but i’m hoping today you can take a small step towards forgiveness towards that person who hurt you.
do it for your own healing process. do it because you want to be free. do it because you know how strong and fierce you really are. take a step towards forgiveness even if it feels impossible right now. do it for you, not for them.