It took this terrifying incident to snap me out of the daze of society, meaning the humdrum existence that most human kind has talked themselves into. You know, the up at 3am, out the door at 3:30am, so you can commute 2hrs to go 60 miles to your job. Work in the beige office jail cell, hop in the car that cost you 90 dollars to fill up every two days, commute back home for 2 hours, and then sleep and wake up to do it all again the next day. .
That is the life that was embedded into my system at an early age. It would be easy to pass the buck right now and say, damn my parents, teachers, and society, they failed me... but no, deep down after having time to think about it, it was my fear that has detoured me from my course. Fear of looking stupid, fear of not being good and sucking at something, fear of being rejected, fear of saying something that might offend someone, fear of questioning the authority. Apparently fear has been a factor for me (in my best Joe Rogan voice) but no longer. .
On that day, the old 4Runner snapped me out of my daze by hitting me at high speeds and giving me another chance. Life happens at warp speed and I’m trying not to miss it. It’s not going to be easy to conquer my fear, and I know the fear will always be there, so for me I need to get comfortable with fear. Get down right cozy with it, make it familiar so instead of freezing in my tracks and letting fear win, I can listen to it like an old friend, and take it’s counsel and then alter my course if necessary. .
Currently, I have this wild idea as my first adventure, I am scarred shite-less because I will be doing this adventure solo and do not know what to expect. It’s a ways out, I’m in the planning and training stages right now but the fear is already trying to stop me before I even really get started. It will not win! .
Remember, You are not alone! We all feel fear and are dealing with it’s dream crushing powers.
Layer by layer
Millions of me
Today’s discovery runs deep
The more I learn about my self
The more I see no end
This soul riding
my flesh costume
knows what it wants.
In this human form.
I as in iliana
don’t know what this means
cannot wrap around
need to surrender -
Elämä on liian lyhyt, joten miksei siitä ottaisi kaikkea iloa irti tavalla jonka kokee itselleen parhaaksi. Ja ihmisten kanssa kenen kanssa haluaa tämän lyhyen ajan täällä viettää. Itselleen valehtelu on asia joka alkaa kaduttamaan sitä enemmän mitä pidempään sitä itselleen tekee. Sitä kautta elää valheellisessa mielikuvitusmaailmassa jossa satutat itseäsi ja läheisiäsi kun yrität puskea asiat oman mielikuvitusmaailmasi muottiin. Tässä kolmenkymmenen lähestyessä on tullut mietittyä oman elämän arvoja, pohdiskellut mikä sitä oikein on ja mitä elämältä haluaa. Suurimman osan elämästäni olen valehdellut itselleni ja yrittänyt olla jotain 100% vaikka todellisuudessa asia ei niin kuitenkaan ole. Se että hyväksyy itsensä sellaisena kuin on ei aina ole välttämättä helppoa. Sitä kuvittelee olevansa niin vääränlainen ja syyttää itseään siitä mitä on ja hautaa kaiken omien suojamuurien taakse. Mutta jossain vaiheessa se askel on otettava jotta voi olla oma itsensä ja hyväksyä sen mitä on. Sehän ei välttämättä kaikille ole ok, mutta miksi sitä pitäisi elää yrittäen olla jotain mikä on muiden mielestä se mitä he odottavat sinun olevan. Kaikki eivät sitä askelta välttämättä ota koskaan, jotkut tekevät sen myöhään ja jotkut ovat rehellisiä itselleen jo hyvin varhain. Itselleenhän tätä elämää loppujen lopuksi eletään ja totta sen haluaa elää ilman että katuu tekemiään päätöksiä.
I'm almost whole again! 📍👻
Adventurous afternoon with @venlaviitanen 🖤
After having my lip punched at @putkatattoo we wandered in a mall and found a pet shop! There was no bird friends but I found one very active ancistrus. He was so hungry!
Good for you little fella 🐠 So carefree and perfect the way you are, no crisis, no hurry, no worry! 🥰 If I had a proper place for you to live I'd take you home and take care of you as a symbol of hope and empowerment! 🕊️
Oh and I do have hope, I know it. It's a struggle but definitely not like wallowing in pity. I'm slowly getting used to people and being infront of strangers, even the pressure from impatient individuals is still making me pissed 😒
Why should I rush into mobs and blabber for audience when I can comfortably prepaire myself and take the steps I feel small or big enough. It's all learning, and POSITIVITY is the key!
After an year of studying with strangers and spending time in a massive university still every single time when I have to speak out loud I'm feeling that awful knot in my tummy, sweating and being almost blinded with anxiety.
But I'm trying my best and I will not fall! I've made friends and I've found people to support me and I want to support them as well.
🌸 Now to all my fellow sufferers and survivors: stay srtong, remember to seek help and respect yourself as you are. Don't close people out.
One of the biggest mistakes that too many people with mental disorder do is start to see only themselves with the illness, they don't see how that hurts and frustrates their closest ones.
🌸 Another advice: step by step out from the selfish bubble of "ME ME ME" and learn understand that disease is not you, it's not your identity or personality even it affects to all of them. Take care of yourself.
~ #anxiety#crisis#identitycrisis#whoami #icd10#pbii #depressiondisorder#mentalhealthawarness#seekhappiness#seekthepeace#innerdragon#tamethedragon#peacefulmind
Hej allihopa! Welcome to my account to all the new people.
I though I might share 10 things about me you might not know, so you can get to know me a bit better!
1. I work with influencer marketing.
2. I am extremely competitive, but only when it comes to games that are about knowledge, because I'm a real know-it-all.
3. I used to do a loooot of sports growing up. Like at least one practice every day between ages 12-16.
4. I competed in a form of gymnastics at national level until I tore my ACL when I was 16.
5. I speak 5 languages more or less fluently. My parents are both Swedish so I didn't have any help learning from them though.
6. I hate coconut. And I feel sick from the smell of mandarins.
7. I have been an aunty for 13 years this year. Ever since I was 13 myself!
8. I am a perfectionist and I procrastinate as much as I can. School was always easy for me, but university came as a shock.
9. A few years back I had to go to the hospital because they though I had had a stroke. But it tuned out to be due to stress. Take care of your bodies and minds y'all!
10. My maternal grandparents are my idols in life. They have been together since my grandma was 15. Married for 60 years. And they are the most in love couple I know. They have traveled the world several times and they are some of the most generous people I know. I want to be like them when I grow up!
Selfishly anonymous. 👤
I have purposely not divulged my real name 🚫❌⛔️. Whilst I am receiving support for my mental health 🧠, I am choosing to withhold my name. This is a conscious and self preservative move which I intended to take when starting this account.
I CHOOSE MYSELF.
Maybe in the future when I feel in better mental health, I will open up and reveal my name. But then, maybe I won’t 🤷🏼♀️. It is something I will consider when the time is right ⏰ . But for now I’m happy being The Therapist in Therapy and I am not ashamed to admit that I am receiving therapy. Yet whilst I am vulnerable, ‘The Therapist in Therapy’ is my protective armour🛡.
Admitting I needed support was like stepping outside in the windy, thundering and hammering rain 🌧⚡️🌬. But once outside, it’s not as bad as it seems.
I will be able to simultaneously walk in and shelter from the rain. I just need the right tools to help me along the way ☔️
And sure, a gust of wind may throw me off guard, but resilience will see me through 💨.
So whilst I negotiate this storm, please be patient and trust that the sun will rise☀️. In other words.....Brb just being unapologetically selfish 💃🏼
🌟🌟🌟Identity Week 🌟🌟🌟🌟 Next week over on the free Find Your Roar group I will be exploring the concept of identity .. 🙏🏻How we can lose ourselves following difficult life events .. 🙏🏻How we can take on identities to try to belong 🙏🏻And of course some great support in helping you Reconnect to who you really are .. and see how great you are at that !
So if you are not in the group then click on the link and get involved in the conversation .. 🎤
Daily Devotion: Who Am I?
The Bible in One Year: Isaiah 7–8; Ephesians 2
Today's Bible Reading: Exodus 3:10–17
“I AM WHO I AM.” Exodus 3:14
Dave enjoyed his job, but for a long time he’d sensed a pull toward something else. Now he was about to fulfill his dream and step into mission work. But strangely, he began to have serious doubts.
“I don’t deserve this,” he told a friend. “The mission board doesn’t know the real me. I’m not good enough.”
Dave has some pretty good company. Mention the name of Moses and we think of leadership, strength, and the Ten Commandments. We tend to forget that Moses fled to the desert after murdering a man. We lose sight of his forty years as a fugitive. We overlook his anger problem and his intense reluctance to say yes to God.
When God showed up with marching orders (Exodus 3:1–10), Moses played the I’m-not-good-enough card. He even got into a lengthy argument with God, asking Him: “Who am I?” (v. 11). Then God told Moses who He was: “I AM WHO I AM” (v. 14). It’s impossible for us to explain that mysterious name because our indescribable God is describing His eternal presence to Moses.
A sense of our own weaknesses is healthy. But if we use them as an excuse to keep God from using us, we insult Him. What we’re really saying is that God isn’t good enough.
The question isn’t Who am I? The question is Who is the I AM?
When has thinking you’re not good enough kept you from serving God? How does it encourage you to look at Bible characters God used despite their flaws?
Eternal God, so often we doubt that You could ever use people like us. But You sent Your Son to die for the likes of us, so please forgive our doubts. Help us accept the challenges You bring our way.
Crazy me only took 2 short videos of the dogs and Scar in costume 😱 #whoami 🤣🤣, thankfully Girl's human sent me what she had so I could put a little something together. At first I wasn't feelin' it, but then the idea hit me again to add Golden Girl's dialog and I was cracking myself up 😂 ...Scar joined in and we had a great time watching clips to fit into their video! These dogs are seriously awesome 🐾🐾 ...side note, I grew up watching the #GoldenGirls with my mom and her mom ❤ Scar got into the show when she was real little and has told me numerous times (for years now) that she hopes I look like Blanche when I grow old 😂😂 #clearlyherfavorite 🤣 #myfunnygirl#pitbullsarethebest#agirlandherdogs#behindthescenes
I have to give a HUGE Thank You to the Executive Director of R&B/Hip-Hop at Billboard Magazine #gailmitchell . She allowed me to be a special guest of hers at last nights Billboard Magazine Power Influencers of R&B/Hip-Hop. #billboardmagazine#whoami
70 2,18816 hours ago
Looking into your soul 🌚
23 1,1343 October, 2019
Never thought I’d be into cutesy things till Astrid came about — even if it means having my 28-years-old self wear cloud printed pyjamas just to match hers. ☁️🌧☁️🌧 #whoami